How Lovely Are Your Jubblies?

Product: LUSH Lovely Jubblies Breast Cream

Web site: http://www.lushusa.com/shop/products/body/hand-and-body-creams/lovely-jubblies

Price: $24.95 USD for 3.5 oz. 

Ya gotta give it to LUSH for their hilarious ads

Urban Dictionary defines "jubblies" as (1) the most amazing, plump, round, juicy t*t# you can imagine and always look like they are going to pop out of any shirt; (2) lovely bouncy breasts; and (3) large torpedo-shaped breasts that jiggle a lot (I'm LOLing at this picture).

Just kill me now. I need two large cranes to pull my "jubblies" up where they belong and then two enormous flat-bed trucks to move (drag?) them from place to place. Sigh. This is the part I hate most about being in my early 50s: that I can viscerally remember having jubblies in my late teens and early 20s until I'm confronted by the reality of my actual (newly upgraded) bra size and the fact that I can practically tuck my boobs into my pants. How in the world did I make it to this age (and shape)? Ugh.

Backstory

I was elated when I saw that a LUSH store had opened at King of Prussia Mall. A friend and I were shopping, and I dragged him into the store with much happy commotion. I usually use only the bubble bars from LUSH (yes, I'm a long hot bath person), but I took a look at the skin products I had flagged for checking out in the Christmas edition of LUSH Times. I had read the reviews of Lovely Jubblies Breast Cream in the LUSH Times and on their Web site, and although the reviews were mixed, they were generally positive. Of course, I didn't "swatch" it in the store (what horror!), nor will I regale you with terrifying photos here (although I'm chuckling at the thought, but I would never do that to you). Although I was mainly concerned about the scent, I was especially curious about whether the cream would decrease the crepiness on my neck, just about the only part of my skin that give away my age, because some of the Web site reviews had said the cream had helped that area, too. When I sniffed it in the store, it seemed innocuous enough, so I bought that damn-cute little tub of cream. Here are the ingredients (from the LUSH Web site).

Product Ingredients

• Meadowsweet Infusion (Spiraea ulmaria)
• Fresh Rose Petal Infusion (Rosa damascena)
• Organic Cold Pressed Almond Oil (Prunus dulcis)
• Cocoa Butter (Theobroma cacao)
• Organic Cold Pressed Jojoba Oil (Simmondsia chinensis)
• Stearic Acid
• Glycerine
• Organic Cold Pressed Evening Primrose Oil (Oenothera biennis)
• Organic Cold Pressed Avocado Oil (Purse gratissima)
• Orange Blossom Honey (Citrus Aurantium dulcis)
• Triethanolamine
• Lemongrass Oil (Cymbopogon citratus)
• Ylang Ylang Oil (Cananga odorata)
• Jasmine Absolute (Jasminum grandiflorum
• Beeswax (Cera alba)
• Phenoxyethanol
• Cetearyl Alcohol
• Tiger Lily Petals (Lithium candidum)
• *Citral
• *Geraniol
• Benzyl Salicylate
• Benzyl Alcohol
• *Limonene
• *Linalool
• Perfume

Product photo from LUSH Web site (via Google search)

Product Description and Directions for Use

From the LUSH Web site: "Introducing our brilliant breast cream, packed full of tightening meadowsweet infusion and firming tiger lily petals to help your girls fight the forces of gravity. We add heaps of beeswax and organic oils like almond and avocado to soften your melons (and to make it even harder to keep the boys at bay!) We think everyone deserves a pair of lovely jubblies."

"Smooth a generous amount of Lovely Jubblies over your décolletage area to tone down the wiggle and leave your cleavage smelling like a fresh floral bouquet of orange blossom, rose, jasmine and ylang ylang."

My Experience

I used the product daily from January 16 through February 11, 2012, and then I could take it no more! Although the cream itself is great in terms of texture (exactly like Fair Trade Foot Lotion) and moisturized quite well, alas, the scent ended up being extremely strong after applied and completely interfered, for hours (how inconsiderate), with any fragrance I had the audacity to think of applying (I didn't even try and ended up using the cream before bed). The scent was suffocating me! It was everywhere: my bathroom, my bedroom and sheets, my jammies, and my clothes. For someone who is not a big floral person, I'm surprised I made it almost a whole month. Although it felt wonderful to give some attention to that part of my body, and it was fun to hope it might actually work, I ended up not using it faithfully.

Final Verdict

I couldn't take the scent long enough (I'm just guessing; there's nothing on the product label that advises how long to use it before seeing results) to give it a chance to (maybe) work. Don't waste your money unless you like the scent. It may not work as advertised, but if you like floral scents, it would make a very lovely (and inexpensive) body cream/cream perfume when dabbed on judiciously. For me, it just ended up being a somewhat expensive (unproductive) lark :-( However, I would certainly give it another try if LUSH were to make an unscented version!
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Please note that I purchased this product for my own use.